See the word "papers" ? With letter "S" at the back? yes it's for real. arghhhhh!
Sometimes I just want to babble stuff that bothers me damn much. i don't know why but it seem a way to go and it is what people usually do but sadly i can't found a person i could talk to. i think it got something to do with trust issue +/- the ego.
But, Allah do things for a reason or reasons. But we need to be able to see through it. I'm not so much good at going into deep thinking. Being a dreamy person i found that i can't keep my brain straight. That why i choose to write. The whole writing process helps me to clear my way out of this.
Let the adventure begin!!
Firstly, I noticed that i get even worst now on studying near exam day than i ever before. I got so stressful and really wanted to read the whole thing and end up remember nothing. This is the releazation upon last sem final exam and i decided to study earlier. Just like get it understood earlier after the lecture have been given. Though I have studied it earlier but it seems like it didn't work much as i didn't memorize it. It is all about MEMORIZING now. it's kinda hard fact but being a pharmacist that is what the want out of you.that is pharmacist all about! no argument. fullstop.
That feeling when you can't remember a thing to answer though you just read it a couple hours before. That feeling. It utterly the most frustrated and dissapointing feeling of all. It wasn't the feeling too cry and stuff. It is that feeling when you are just a step away but you just can't move forward. you are stuck. It started from the very first paper, and the worst thing is it kinda suck up all there is left in me to keep on studying for the next paper. But of course I am too push myself. I push myself hard! But, i yet get the same result.
Being an honest student (so i called it). I know it just mean i need to work more. More and more and more. But it wasn't easy though. Between getting my extracurricular activity to work, how i spent so long to study, that i'm easily worn out and this stupid me using too much time to do things, i just can't have enough time.
The one thing that is much bothersome to me is how much i NEGLECTED TIME. poor time management is such a the BIGGEST CULPRIT within me.
I AM SO LACKING IN DICIPLINE.
The hardest thing of all is that i always forget this and ended doing it all over again. If i can't just set my mind to go on sort of alarm to simply ALARMED me to not doing such sellfish and stupid things.
i need to get myself on a system but being me, i always fail to stay loyal to the system.
i need a rescue plan but i cant adhere to it. i need to make a rescue plan that i can adhere.
this is hopeless.
So, back to the first point, why Allah makes me feel such feeling.
I got it all out and sort out! This is the issues and I would never be able to reach such if wasn't by writing it up like this. So, I think this is why I don't have person to talk too. I'm not reaching a solution. Only I know myself best.
This is it. This realization moment that i just need to change this attitude of mind. i have realize this attitude for quite some time but this time, i get extra support. so i think, to FIGHT and to WIN. insyaAllah. insyaAllah. insyaAllah. *winkwink*
no one can save me except Allah and Allah always respond to our dua. Its up to me now, and hopefully Allah will help me more.
so now. first move. THE RESCUE PLAN.